Somehow, I lost touch with the essence of what I was born into the world as. The ultimate, ineffable truth of myself and connection with life around me that I am inseparable from, had become veiled from my awareness.
These days I know that I am better served to look within for guidance in realizing self truth; to where my inner experiences lead me and to where my intuition speaks to me. This inward looking influences imaginative formulations of another kind, not so much captured in mechanical, rational, literate assessment and in turn not amendable to exact communication.
I am averse to engaging in conventional suggestions about how I should improve myself mostly because these efforts seem to involve altering what is on the outside. Christopher S Hyatt compares it to the image of a beautiful fruit that when squeezed has no juice. In looking inward I attend more to the juice rather then the external surface. Attending only to the surface perpetuates a sense of loss since something of essence is overlooked.
I see the futility in argument with others about what is right or wrong or what should be done, not because I know, but mostly because I don’t really know what the truth of such issues are, nor do I believe that others do despite what their insistence might be. I see the benefit in becoming a question mark which influences a newer way of relating to perception bringing a sense of awe and curiosity about what it is that is truly the source of life prior to the vast variety of opinions and beliefs about it. As well it involves opening to a more reflective, creative and artistic engagement and manifestation of life and expression of it. I am more at home and invigorated, these days with an immersion into the mystery of life and understanding and relating to it from that.
There is transcendence in inviting what is more natural, real and mysterious as what it is of us that evolves is revealed and allowed to blossom uninterrupted by our fragmented intentions.
When the world was made binary man began to live in paradox. With paradox came the priest, the politician and the psychologist. These three thieves of the soul became the maker and solver of riddles, making the poet and artist seem profound. —Hyatt
I have no doubt that humankind entered into a Faustian like deal with early ancestors, who discovered the ability to differentiate and conceptualize and to arrange objects in their environment to better serve them. It changed our hopes and dreams and it promised the world in exchange for our minds. A shift occurred where we came to know and relate to our world primarily through our conditioned conceptual mind.
As there were no apparent options of escaping from that conditioned world that was fed to me, It was fortunate for me to discover, through great hardship and error, the folly of being trapped by this so called civilized modern way and of being the slave to a fragmented perception, mechanical analysis, dogmatic belief and judgement, all attributes reinforced and encouraged by conventional external influences.
It has required a rebellious diligence to enable a realization of what has been lost in that Faustian deal, and in so seeing allowing for a deeper contemplation of mind and world to emerge. Rather than being an experience that is about complacent resignation and withdrawal to a more primitive way, it has been more of a waking up and and expansion into an unseen and mysterious world.
Ultimately there is minimal opportunity for a direct experience or for authentic insight to arise with a conditioned mind. The shedding of the attachment to the veneer allows for an unfolding and arising from within, and as I welcome a further immersion within it allows for a more holistic awareness and influence on mind.
What I have been raised to know has been conditioned by convention and tradition, by the minds of my parents and the collective thinking of culture and existing institutions. It directly affected how I came to perceive existence. Those patterns of knowing were influenced by a mechanistic, materialistic functioning and a concept of time that contributed to a rigid , limited ability to perceive certain things in the universe.
Emerging from that conditioning there is an opening to alternative ways of knowing and from that opportunity to realize the “relativity of knowing”. This is enabling in allowing things that have been hidden from perception to be seen. In this new seeing there is transformation which in turn effects experience and perceptions of life and living.
Everything is always changing. There is a death involved in letting go of an old way of identifying with self and the world however limited and delusional it may be. There is grief in that death when we see what we thought to be permanent evaporate or change into something unimagined and there is invigoration if we allow ourselves to flow with change and to move through to a place of rebirth that is inseparable from that death.
“The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand wrapped in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed.” – Albert Eistein
What and how, I perceive is completely dependent on my state of consciousness. I am a doubter and find it difficult to believe that I can learn what I need to know of truth from another. If I have faith in anything it is that, through a commitment to focus my life in awareness to my direct experience and the intuition that arises from that I can come to know what I need to know of truth and authenticity. I am enabled in that to take steps to realize what has accumulated in my conditioning that clouds my seeing in my desire to dive more deeply into truth
There is always a gap in life. To constantly try to fill that gap we risk never learning anything helpful about ourselves or our existence. In choosing to enter into the gap with an open embracing of what we might discover there as truth is an ongoing revelation and can take us deeper into self knowing. As Heraclitus suggests “You could not discover the limits of the soul (psyche), even if you traveled every road to do so; such is the depth (bathun) of its meaning (logos).” James Hillman adds “Ever since Heraclitus brought soul and depth together in one formulation, the dimension of soul is depth (not breadth or height) and the dimension of our soul travel is downward.”