These days I have let go of the idea of being something spiritual. I see the darkness that my ego has been constructed out of much more clearly and I can’t say that I have transcended that although the seeing is a big step for me. A really important change is that I can differentiate more than ever what is ego and what arises from a deeper experience. These realizations have come partly with being able to be with suffering of life and not do as I have habitually done for most of my life. That is investing most of my conscious energy into avoiding it or looking for something more pleasant or secure. I also see that there is a more expansive quality of energy that arises with this letting go that has been veiled in my search for security. The realisation and insights into language and how we become conditioned by the use and attachment to concepts and symbols has also been helpful.
Using language and concepts is helpfulI but I realize it to be more about a way of seeing than a capturing of truth. I am currently reading a book by George Fêurstein and in it he talks about the five states of consciousness which come from Jean Gebser a philosopher of consciousness who wrote in the early twentieth century. The fourth stage in the development of human consciousness he calls mental consciousness and it appeared around the time of the Buddha. He wrote about how consciousness since than over the past few centuries has congealed in a rational consciousness which is fatally imbalanced. The distinction between mental consciousness and rational consciousness for Gebser is that the rationalist consciousness is not merely sober, logical thinking but is rather a whole way of looking at life through reductionist glasses. It is a consciousness that unlike the mental consciousness of Greek thought, lacks intrinsic balance. It is associated with an inflated self sense and epitomized in an extreme philosophy of individualism, which decries altruism.
Both Gebser and Feurstein write about this imbalanced consciousness adding that life always presents possibilities and always contains the seeds of transformation. That is what I am most interested in, bringing a balance that allows for the possibility to return to a more expansive living experience not so limited by arbitrary abstract idea. My conditioning has taken me away from this place of balance but in some ways I am learning for the first time in my life to recognise and see how this has manifested itself. A balance for me is restored in an ongoing way in connecting to our cosmic roots. This is realized simply by letting go of these reductionist influences and habitual ways. A false sense of identity is a consequence of that conditioning and a deeper awareness of what I am is apparent in this letting go. .