Life is existence, is a movement, and this movement is action. Life, the totality of life, not parts of it, the whole state of existence,is action. But when we merely exist, as most of us do, then the problem of action becomes complex. Existence has no division. It is not a fragmentary state of mind or being; in that [state] a totality of action is possible. But when we divide existence into different segments, fragments, then action becomes contradictory. – Krishnamurti, Collected Works, Vol. XV, Action
Through taking the time in life to be fully present comes an awareness that influences my ways in a more gratifying way than I have known. In my attachment to the notion that belief and thought will provide what I need I am lost in fact I now realize that I know nothing. I never really did. My search for the ultimate beliefs and ideals only perpetuated a futile search. They no longer play a significant role in determining what I do and how I live. It is not that I actively choose not to follow scientific, religious or cultural teaching. It is that in presence I am more aware of the relative nature of the truth of that kind of knowledge. I am more deeply aware of being; something more about life than my past conditioned ways paid attention to, that emerges through a more unconventional attending to what is.
I no longer need affirmation from others or from adhering to ethical and cultural norms and standards or other outside sources. In presence the energy that fills me in being present here and now is an unprecedented affirmation of life. It allows for more space for compassion and acceptance and when there is an upsetting experience there is more possibility to be fully present to it and to move through it in the realization that it or nothing else is permanent. There have been heavy consequences for human kinds obsession with finding comfort at the expense of avoiding what is. A very natural process is interrupted in this shift. I have been an inseparable part of all the conflict and confusion and have needed to find my way through the neurosis and knots that have been created by it.
There is now, for me, more of an investment in process as opposed to substance and with that there is more connection to an energy filled with life, that is life itself. We are all ultimately a part of this however it is that we act in ways that alienate ourselves from it. There is so much more to be known and attended to in this presence. What we need arises out of this attending and is not a mechanical, fragmented and speculative effort of a mind separated from its source. It fills the experience of perception with vitality and life. It is that.
It’s not that the mind can ever be separated from its source but more that the mind has come to believe in its own ability, cut off from fundamental influences, that are not so easily recognizable by it; never the less that are essential to its existence and functioning. Many an error and horror of human speculation and judgement has been the product of this separation that has been initiated in the name of human advancement and progress.
To address this in oneself it is matter of a learning that brings one to the realisation that the mind is not a power on to itself. In believing so we disregard much of us that is human and that which is eternal. Collectively we have not come to this realisation and because of this there is a fragmented awareness that has led to a looming global crisis.
Often insights appear out of intimate relating to another. The expression of those experiences with others in open and honest exploration using the written word further enables the gathering of thoughts and reflecting of them. There is a playful creating and formulating of words and concepts that occurs in this exchange. It arises out of the urge to capture these experiences and related perceptions and to share them with another and often what is shared by another in intimate communication influences what is experienced for me.
The biggest changes that I have experienced over the past few years is that there has been a lessening of attachment to words and to beliefs and what is thought to be certain and permanent. Ironically I have more of an appreciation and love for the written word being the avid reader that I am. Maybe it is more that it comes from a shift in the realization of what words, concepts and beliefs truly are and an awareness of some of the consequences of an absolute reliance on them as a way of understsnding. There is more of an acceptance that there is no way to transfer my deepest experiences to another through the use of words. There can be an artful use of words and other mediums to express the experience and it is quite possible that others will share similar experiences and recognize the commonality in that expression. But words are limited in expressing that experience and any experience for that matter.
An intuitive awareness and connection and sharing of energy among humans and other beings on this planet is something that is being discussed more openly and often these days. Language is used in communicating with other humans but there is more to this exchange than is captured through the use of language and how unfortunate it is that these other ways have been largely ignored with the expansion of human dependence on verbal dialogue.
The letting go of belief is certainly connected to my newly emerging understanding of language and as well it is a result of a lessening of an attachment to former ideas of what I considered “Me” or “Myself” to be. These new ways of seeing things involves something more of an intuitive sense; an energy that is something similar to what I refered to in the last paragraph that has always been a part of me, more than I once enabled it to be. Although this energy is not something that is measurable by conventional standards, in presence I am aware of it in myself as I am aware of many things that do not offer proof to the outside world. Past habits of being fixated on acquiring security through knowing, are less indulged. There is more awareness of the emptiness of the claims to know things that can not be known through conventional means, those claims based on a refined use of words.
It is good enough that my new-found awareness leads me to a more authentic experience of relating to others and to life. Through that experience of relating there is a knowing. The authenticity, openness and honesty with which I pursue understanding leads me to a more internal functioning and of finding my place and my fit in the midst of all else. I know nothing for sure yet there is more reliance and trust in exploring “being” in presence as a way of life as it unfolds from that. The kind of curiosity and creativity we commonly think to be traits of children as well have come to be aspects of presence that play an increasing role in living for me even at the ripe age of sixty years.
These days the possibility of becoming truly intimate with another is a challenge when so much of our energy is invested in actively creating and developing the veneer of self. And how can we expect to come to know and nurture what is authentic in us when we are conditioned to believe in and invest in the identification, defence and proliferation of what we have created. How can we be so sure that something is not missing in our superficial formulation of what we are pursuing self to be.
It is only in recognizing and nurturing something more of our being than of what we should become that we can eliminate this duality that arises with our active efforts at becoming. We can trust in what we will become when we are enabled to embrace and nurture what it is about us that is authentic and from this we establish an fundamental foundation for intimacy and relationship.That foundation itself is intimate.
At times it is apparent to me that it is a part of the programming to strive to be what we envision to be desirable. This also arises with spiritual concerns what presents a dilema due the fact that we are usung the very means that has caused a seaparation from our true self to find our way back to it. As long we are striving we contine to be just as lost as ever.
. At an earlier time in my life I gave up an addiction to alcohol and other substances only to replace it with an addiction to exercise and other obsessive ways. Someone said to me that it’s a less damaging addiction so” why not” indulge in something relatively less destructive, pssibly beneficial.. I now know that an addiction is an addiction. It might meet a need that we have developed in our self fixation as a way to survive but in the end it diverts one from the truth. It might also have been that at some level I knew hat there was something authentic of me that was being hidden because of all my conditioned ways but there did not seem to be a readiness or knowing how to let igo and let it all t unfold. There was something of me that realized that one day, it would , and so in the meantime there was a tolerance of a less destructive addiction.
Why shouldnt we want those qualities that contribute to a more full life. Part of why we are searching is because we have discovered the more conventional way not to our liking. At that point we see that something is amiss but that this is all that we are able to do. But how do we come to awaken to a place where what is authentic in us can begin to lead us and what is not can be let go of. How can we come to trust that what is good in us will arise to the surface on its own without effort, as the blossom blooms and that all will arise out of something of us that is more real and wonderful than we have come to know ourselves to be. After so much conditioning that has taken away from our authentic roots how do we recognize what is authentic in us and what is not. How do we see beyond all that has become habitual and conditioned
The practice of presence has been gift of grace for me and it has become a way of life. In presence there is awareness of the allure of a more conventional yet illusionary way. Yes I can be fooled and only in presence can the fog of what is unreal lift.
Our existence; our origins are not things that we will come to understand through abstract thinking, at least not at this time through this process alone and in the current form that human cognitive ability is now manifested. To understand this involves turning towards an ongoing more intimate and holistic process not focused on knowing the whole through its parts.
It is our nature to search; to look for meaning and an authentic understanding about what we are and where we fit in to life. But the way to know might involve another aspect of “being” beyond that of our more recently evolved abilities to rationalize and to conceptualize in an abstract way. We are a part of a uninterupted trail that extends a very long way back, far before we acquired these new cognitive abilities. As well with these newer developments we seem to have lost the intuitive capacity to comprehend the miraculous nature of our origins.
Until we can come to see more clearly the nature and limitations of thinking it could be that we will continue to perpetuate a cycle of ignorance that in an ongoing way is contributing to our global demise. There is a lot of literature out there, these days, that reflects on this topic but it is not always easy to trust, that, what we are reading is reflecting and expressing this deeper truth. Despite being in possession of this extraordinary cognitive capacity we seem to be lost looking for answers from elsewhere other than ourselves. We have forgotten ourselves and until we have come to trust in a way that leads us back to knowing ourselves we will be insulated from a greater understanding of the life we live.
I was reading today that the english language, more than any other, reflects the early science view that was focused on the importance of empirical observation and because of that we use many objects when we communicate. Other more holistic and native languages are more process oriented. In the object focused languages we come to assume the reality of the objects in a way that it has been previously defined and it is not explored directly which is quite conducive to a dualistic perception.
Language reinforces a way of perceiving that can perpetuate a boundary. We have to come to question the assumptions of a relative truth that is underlying words and that is communicated to us in language and learn to use it more as a tool to express what our experience is. Poetry is often more reflective about what occurs and is often confusing for people because it does not reflect a reality that has become quite static for many.
In an article by Brian Swimme he writes that we start with assumptions such as that “humans are consumers” as opposed to others such as “humans being the universe”. The reality is that we are created out of material from the universe. We are made of star-dust and we are more deeply connected to each other, to other beings, the planet and the universe than we perceive and define ourselves to be. All of those limited underlying assumptions that objectify us short-circuit us. We end up becoming what we have defined ourselves to be.