Most of us have been conditioned in our ideas about what relationship should be. Beliefs and perceptions have been influenced by culture, religion, school, moral and ethical beliefs, principles, norms, science and psychology, habits and tradition. It has in general not focused on developing our sense from within and in so being our development tends to be diverted, by specifics, from a more truthful intimate way of relating to friends, family and others.
I am becoming more aware that this truth within is a most valuable guide in authentically relating to ourselves as a foundation in our relationship to others. In our dualistic world it is not valued as such. More often than not we learn to be focused on self perception, presentation, success, self-improvement and finding security and certainty and it is a never ending search that we are on for these things that we have come to value. In our inability, collectively, to connect with a place of deeper awareness and authentic self realisation we in turn perpetuate a world where relationships take a form that is less than real.
This pattern of absence of what is real is far more destructive than anything that arises from truth. Pursuing an authentic way of being invites a quality of energy that is dynamic and that promotes growth, health and healing although unfortunately many individuals these days who are immersed in more conventional norms may not be able or ready to cope with this shift to a more authentic way. Many individuals can be quite static in how they perceive themselves and consequently insulated from truth and would like nothing better than to have relationships serve them in a way that further reinforces these norms.
Coming to bring authenticity to life and relationships took some time for me and lots of reflection and space. It also involved becoming comfortable with being alone at times when truth required it. Modern communications have had an impact on this in that we often do not have access to the kind of time and space away that could be helpful in providing for a more genuine reflection. I had the benefit of spending a significant amount of time away, without call phone and iPad, from the influence of my long-term relationships. It allowed for the sediment to settle and for me to see more clearly how I was enmeshed with others in a way that was not so authentic. Some of my friendships survived the distance and change that it brought for me and some did not. Some evolved and some fell away.
(I have included an article by David Brooks from the NYT titles Leaving and Cleaving that addresses modern communication and how it affects relationships. http://nyti.ms/1DCdHpo)
Ultimately if you value truth than it is important to be able to engage in truthful dialogue with others. To do so requires awareness, maturity and intimacy and the benefits being that it in turn contributes to a more natural and reliable unfolding of who and what we are. But confronting the truth is not always a smooth ride. It can shake us, our perceptions, relationships and our world. We might be best advised to be prepared for the uncertainty that it can bring. This s the truth of life and coming to an honest realization of this can help to fuel mature and intimate interaction as well.
How else should we live. It seems to me that the mind that wishes to be fundamentally, deeply open to change must be free from ideas and notions that separate it from others and in so doing hold it in stasis. Then the mind becomes astonishingly open to evolve in a natural way. I often marvel at how humans seek out permanence and desire to become something static in life and relationship and how this is maintained by a desire for security or certainty and questionable perceptions of what will bring that. But what is permanent and what is secure and certain in life? An authentic examination can lead to many more unsettling but worthwhile questions and insights.