I have a sister who has muscular dystrophy. Her health is failing and her world as she has dreamed it to be is failing right along with it. She is stuck in a way; in a presentation that is stoic and filled with effort to keep things in control. It seems to prolong and intensify her suffering.
I am realizing that the vulnerability that I feel is very difficult to be with. I am sure it is the same for her. So why would we want to be with that? I am discovering that I can come to know myself in ways that I have not known before. There is more revealed of who we are from embracing this way than we ever realize. When we can come to open to it, express it and learn to live with it in a more direct and intimate way than it can be life transforming. The problem for most of us is that we have learned and in turn want to hide it, avoid it and fix it and just not have the experience. We have learned to search out comfort and to escape from pain of all kinds. But this doesn’t work. We are inseparable from it. My sister just cant seem to embrace it in the way I am talking about for various reasons so she acts it out. What we see of her is not what she is. I wish that she could come to be with it and that this might be a place that she can connect with others. But for now it lay hidden as a part of her authentic self does as well.
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