My Opening Ego

I  now see, more clearly than ever before, that it’s not just others; my ego is also neurotic. At least, these days I can now laugh at the ego`s neurotic antics, although, it does raise some sadness in the realization of the range of suffering that it has inflicted  and perpetuated. And, I can still have moments in acting from the ego although there are now influences that have changed it`s domination over awareness. In clearer moments, I can see that it creates suffering in its fragmented perception, self fixation and ensuing way of acting. It`s search for safety, security, notoriety, attention, to be better than what one thinks one self to be,   and searching for a sense of permanence is, as all egos do. I am understanding now that I can not be separate from other egos or from the suffering of the world and from those I perceive to be perpetrators of violence and abuse. I do see all the righteous efforts to determine and deflect responsibility outside of their own ego self to be misguided. The racism, judgement, elitism; the absence of compassion and inability to see the limitations and consequences of one own personal perspective is all rooted in the limitations of the separate and fragmented self. In these ways, I don’t understand completely, but there is a knowing in my heart that I am not separate from others and their actions. I am a part of it all.
Maybe it is that I will never understand in our conventional way of knowing; of being conditioned to understand, how to resolve the problem of brutality, inhumanity and abuse on our planet. It is perhaps, not from the kind of conventional thinking process that we have acquired and relied upon, that we will come to see the depth and wholeness of perceived problems we are hoping to resolve. For me; it is in this newer discovery of being able to empty myself of those neurotic notions that I have come to define myself to be, that the light of a deeper truth and reality can be realized. There is something creative, flowing and eternal in that letting go. It is a relaxing of grasping, accumulating, planning or willful  thinking such as this, that an unfolding occurs. I would even suggest that it is an evolving, where I am free to unfold according to my nature; a nature shared by all that is not compromised by the isolated arrogance of the human ego. In that limitation the ego does not realize its own separateness and that which blocks its visibility and it is quick to blame and believe in its superficial, self focused conclusions that are derived from a place of stasis and confinement.
My ego functions in this way as well and it is only in the seeing and the graceful act of letting go and stepping beyond it, in certain moments,  that I can realize that which is bigger than it is. Clinging to the ego leaves me blind to this realization. In opening beyond it I can let go of the personal world that I have become so attached to believing is reality..

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