I have come to see the limitation of conventional living and now see more merit in looking for a way of experiencing something deeper; that might influence a movement away from the inauthentic person that I have become. New insights endlessly arise in opening to that journey; one being that I have become dependent on a deluded narrative of self. That superficial creation has been a product of family, cultural and social prescriptions, norms and conventions. That perception of self has been itself an obstruction to a depth of seeing and living.
The essence of who I am, has been lingering; there,underneath those layers of what I have become; that has generally served to veil that essence. It’s not that I think that I am better than others in pursuing this pursuit of truth, but more that I care immensely to discover what is real. Perhaps it is to uncover the un-truth of it all, realizing the insanity of the deluded ways that humanity has chosen to follow, that has become the most important motivation for me. It seems that I have always, subtly at times and not so subtly at others; been aware of the alienating consequences and effects of abandoning the truth of self.
Still; I seem to encounter in the engagement with the conventional world a tension and pressure to be more of that false self, rather than finding support in pursuing what is authentic. Our world seems to be ordered in particulars and individualistic fixation and indulgence on external ism´s; especially so in the west. This is greatly influenced and perpetuated by the media, technology, political and religious propaganda, science and entertainment. The ultimate consequence of this is that “we think that we know” or that there is some other expert that does.
In discovering what is authentic from my own direct experience of it; I first came to understand how to look in another direction from what I had earlier learned. In the re-orientation to seeing from within I realize that I don’t know what others claim to know and I trust more in my intuition that spurs me to question convention and other common sense assertions and assumptions. These days I trust more than ever in not knowing. To remain in a world of uninspiring, fragmented external focus and locked in a stifling habitually conditioned pattern that perpetuates being lost in this way is not a way of evolving, from what I can understand.
I see too clearly in my search that what we have come to create our world to be one that perpetuates an alienation from our essence and to continue to live our life in this way; thinking that we can resolve our social and global dilemmas from this place of darkness is repeating more of the same. Continuing to trust that it will help to find my way out from the darkness with the same way of thinking that has enslaved me is not helpful. Change is required.
Letting go, in awareness, of the fixed notions about what I think that I am and what I think and believe that I know is required if I am to embrace change. This change seems to unfold from embracing the essence of what I am. As well it seems to be very relevant that I come to see and trust in a guidance that arises from this being in essence, if I hope not to be further be distracted by conventional pursuits. It is not an easy journey to come to accept that we are nothing of what we thought ourselves to be.