Every impulse that we strive to strangle broods in the mind, and poisons us … The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. The glancing allusion to William Blake’s The Marriage of Heaven and Hell (1790) is deliberate, Wilde being a keen reader of Blake: ‘He who desires but acts not, breeds pestilence.’
The Aesthetic Movement,’ David DeLaura wrote in Hebrew and Hellene in Victorian England , was ‘a serious and respectable attempt to provide fullness of life to a society increasingly aware, as Arnold put it, that the immense inherited “system of institutions, established facts, accredited dogmas, customs, rules,” fails to correspond to the wants of modern life.’ An attempt by these late Victorians, as Arnold was to put it in his essay ‘Democracy’, ‘to gain a more vivid sense of their own life and activity.’
So we have to understand the existence, this life, our relationship to society. We have not only to understand our relationship with each other, with society, but to bring about a radical change in that relationship. And that is our responsibility. I do not think we feel this urgency. – Krishnamurti
I realize these days that I am increasingly coming to be with my vulnerability and that includes an increasing awareness of my woundedness. At the same time I don’t think that translates into moving towards a point of self-healing; where I will no longer feel vulnerable or wounded but more that I can learn to better be with all of that. Our hidden wounds can keep us incapacitated. There is a reason that they are hidden and often our behaviour becomes about maintaining the status quo but we pay a price in doing so. In bringing awareness and acceptance to my wounds it increasingly enables me to rise out of such complacency, to a place of living in a way that I am more attentive to what I am curious about.
It is not a conventional norm to acknowledge and reveal this aspect of vulnerability and woundedness about ourselves. There is some discomfort with this area of discussion in general, but, I sense that it is a fundamental realization, essential to realize, in coming to be authentically compassionate, accepting and just simply more kind and alive in our way. More than anything it is a truth of myself that I no longer need to separate from, avoid, bury or hide from. It is an inseparable part of me and the suppression of that realisation is more problematic to our growth and living fully than acknowledgement of it.
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It seems that in our upbringing and learning to be social there is the likelihood that we abandon features of our authentic self. That has been a less than perfect process for me resulting in a disjointed, pretentious and unaware self to emerge. As can be expected there is limited satisfaction in living in such a way.
A more authentic realization first involved an awareness of how unsatisfactory this self had been and then that there are alternative ways to proceed one of which is to allow what it is that is more authentic of our self to be more involved in life than it once was. This is a less ideal process then one may have been led to believe. What is real of the self may not be seen to be conventionally desirable and it may as well be that living in a truthful honest way may be perceived to be offensive to others who are content to live a life free of this quality of examination.
Ultimately what is the more ethical honorable path? It is highly likely that our deepening awareness will bring discomfort and chaos to those who live other than that. Knowing how one should bring acquired insight and awareness to relationships is not always clear. Should one be passive or act in a way that brings an intense forthcoming. Is there importance in dialogue and exploring in a deeper way these insights with others or should one be content to be alone with inner revelations and the internal change that they bring without imposing it on others.