Figure it Out For Yourself

The  Buddha  was just some guy who got serious and figured it out for himself, so maybe that is his real teaching; that you can figure it for yourself.

Jed McKenna

Much of what is written from the perspective of religion and spirituality has given me little or no solace.  It most often strikes me as fantasies that have been elaborately constructed and forcefully imposed in order to stave off the possibility of death and nothingness: the more apparent reality for me. They have no power compared  with the groundless vacuum that they seek to mask, and my reflective mind will have nothing of the consolation they may provide.

it is through this realization that there is an awakening  to truth.



Not in Striving

I want to understand who I am (if anybody), and how I’m connected to the rest of it. And yes, I want to stop suffering and I want to help others stop suffering.

When I was in despair, time passed slowly, so slowly. Now it sweeps by faster and faster, gathering momentum; now the shortness of life stuns me.
— Susan Moon

It’s not in striving to improve or perfect myself or in effort to become something other or to change what I am that I am focused in my living despite the fact that it very often seems to be the focus of  others who follow Buddhist and other spiritual disciplines.  From those individuals,  I very often hear words that imply that one should be and act in a certain way and as well  I so often encounter a deferring to teachers and teachings that seems more to suggest that I should ignore a more direct and intimate experience and inner revelations. So often it is pursued in a way, it seems,  so that they might bring peace and a reduction in stress, with the intent that one might be better equipped to live a life as they have come to be molded and conditioned to do, so that they might better fit in or be more successful; ultimately, I surmise in the hope that one comes to be more content and accepting of one self. For me it is other wise, in that the way is more towards a way that is accepting of what I truly am illuminated by a way of being that I have forgotten myself to be of. It is in this that I am most aware of what is authentic,  or not, as it relates to my existence. In that awareness another quality of internal light provides guidance. And that is what I am most concerned about. I have no doubt that in that orientation to what is authentic of myself there is an experience of contentment that is not as we might imagine it to be. It is not of a conventional notion of what comfort and peace of mind might be however it is we might perceive it  to be and it does not seem to me that truth is discovered in striving for this ideal. It is more for me in the  search for truth and in that a shift has occurred that involves adjustment and acceptance of a way that involves endless, ongoing change and all the discomfort that this might bring that is inevitably a part of life and death and a new way of coping  and living and dyeing with that.


It seems to me that when I am livng fully in awareness there is endless sentiment. Im not refering to conventional notions of  emotion but a more fundamental experience or feeling alive. Even difficult times can induce this appreciation of life.

What Is

I am really discovering through the living of direct experience in awareness that I dont really know what I have come to believe that I know. In that opening  and realization of  ” what is” or more “what is not”  there is endless sentiment and wonderment in the  unfolding of what I authentically  am.

The tendency and convention to want to know and define life and things in it, reduces life to something finite and false and in turn limits our emotional response and connection to it.