I have been struggling at times finding my way in a society of humans that seems to be lacking in compasssionate response to one another and destined to destroy itself. I have no difficulty realizing the inadequacy and limitation of conventional social thinking and the perceptions that influence it. I am aware as well of my own limited thinking and other ego/personality limitations so much so that it has been somewhat of a challenge to take myself too seriously or at times to like myself. Something of that comes from the fact that I dont know what do with my life or how to respond in this place of “not knowing”
Something Rodney Smith wrote the other day struck me. “The truth is not a set way of perceiving reality, but a release of all” In all the work that I have done over the years at coming to recognize and deconstruct the “not knowing ” in the ego, there is something there left in the fear remaining around the hole, that is tied to the past. I can see more clearly, now that the ongoing task is to meet that residue of fear in awareness. Rodney Smith suggests something that is relevent to me “The more we surrender our separation, the quicker we complete the work of dissolving our fear. Patterns that hold less identification are quickly released, but eventually we have to confront those areas where we are still tied to the outcome, image, or expression of our personal pain. These are areas requiring great sobriety and maturity. We know awakening involves our total being, but we may still hold a little of ourselves in reserve. We dawdle, hoping for a reprieve. The sense-of-self plays its final card, its wistful need for nostalgia. Will we disappear like a hand through water, leaving no trace of our place on earth, no small monument to “me”?