Bungling Efforts

I have spent many years searching to untangle the predicament of self. Unfortunately it seems that it has been, for most of the time a self sponsored effort that has only lead to greater confusion and deception.

This past week I attended a five day retreat with the Toronto based Satiphanna Buddhist group,  which ended on Sunday and since that time there is something new that I have become aware of.  There has been for all of my conditioned life a  habitual tendency to seek to escape from the present moment. The conditioned mind is subtly creative and deceptive about how this is done. A part of that is the ability to rationalize this reaction and many others in quite sophisticated way.

This week I have been able to ultimately settle into the seeing of this and in doing so confront that raw urge to do so.

One thought on “Bungling Efforts

  1. I think that trying to live in the present moment can be like trying not to think of pink elephants. It can be helpful to reflect on past experience to learn the lessons that retrospection can teach us, and we all have to think of the future to make plans. But if avoiding a mindful experience of the present is compulsive, maybe it is worth asking what it is about that present experience that our awareness finds so repulsive. Perhaps there is something which needs to either be accepted or changed.

    For myself, I don’t tend to think much about whether I’m in the present or reminiscing or thinking about the future or fantasising. Only when what I’m doing is a barrier to what I want to be doing does it become an issue. There are times when I would like to put something out of my mind so that I can enjoy what I am doing more fully, but sometimes such insubordination from my mind acts like the grain of sand to the oyster.

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