I have spent many years searching to untangle the predicament of self. Unfortunately it seems that it has been, for most of the time a self sponsored effort that has only lead to greater confusion and deception.
This past week I attended a five day retreat with the Toronto based Satiphanna Buddhist group, which ended on Sunday and since that time there is something new that I have become aware of. There has been for all of my conditioned life a habitual tendency to seek to escape from the present moment. The conditioned mind is subtly creative and deceptive about how this is done. A part of that is the ability to rationalize this reaction and many others in quite sophisticated way.
This week I have been able to ultimately settle into the seeing of this and in doing so confront that raw urge to do so.