I am on a retreat in Springwater New York, this weekend. It’s spring and it all seems to be like a Terrence Mallick movie. I’ve been listening to people’s stories at the group dialogue session they hold here and there often seems to be an aspect of “I could have done it better”. Im not convinced that it is possible; to be other than what we are. The thought “I should have” serves to perpertuate non acceptance of what we are. We all have limitations as humans. I have found it more helpful to contemplate acceptance of that imperfection that I have been conditioned to be. And yes I am searching, but not for perfection or some blissfully utopian being. More for my lost humanity; compassion and humility that seems to have fallen away in the ongoing development of my selfhood. It can be realized at points often the awareness of it arising in silence.