Every woman who tries to create love with an emotionally unaware partner, suffers. Self-help books galore tell us that we cannot change anyone but ourselves. Of course they never answer the question of what will motivate males in a patriarchal culture — males who have been taught that to love emasculates them — to change and to choose love, when the choice means that they must stand against patriarchy, against the tyranny of the familiar. We cannot change men but we can encourage, implore, and affirm their will to change. We can respect the truth of their inner being, a truth that they may be unable to speak: that they long to connect, to love, to be loved. — bell hooks
And than it’s not necessarily an easy road to openness. Habitual ways are difficult to change. The prevalent Western worldview promotes individualism and narcissism, it’s economic system encourages and rewards greed, and society as a whole seems to be entranced in consumerist addictions and fantasies. They allow for the possibility of a kind of worship of a mysoginistic, narcicistic inividuals such as Donald Trump.
The biggest challenge for me has been to sort through all this and to get myself pointed in the right direction. A big pert of thst has been coming to be comfortable with my vulnerability and what might be more a authentic essence of me that has been veiled in my search for security.
Still, these days, I seem to habitually want to react in that western way that I have been taught to think and behave. I am finally realizing that there is no such way that does not ultimately compromise what is authentic of me; never the less I have spent most of my life trapped in this state of thinking and reacting.
In these more recent times, there has been something akin to a leap of faith; beyond the ability of books,theories and how-to philosophy, that has enabled me to see more directly and to follow where that faith leads me. There is something more authentic in this; no need to act in a way searching for improvement or truth. I am instead led by “that” in the shedding of all that I have accumulated of my identity that is not of my humanity. The German word for this is “Gelassenheit”, the translation being ” releasement”