In Solitude

Like many others I have struggled with the idea that I might find myself alone one day. I have made some inroads with these fears, in coming to realize how deeply beneficial solitude can truly be. I dont profess to know how one should proceed with their lives. I myself value taking the time to discover what is within. I know only what I reflect on from that experience. Only in solitude can I entirely free myself. Only in solitude can I explore my self freely, without the fear of judgment from others. Only in solitude am I able to rediscover the voice of my most real self.

Some of the reasons that I have been afraid of solitude is because it reveals great truth which unconsciously I have been reluctant to face. Feelings of anger, hatred, grief that I could not in my younger years cope with or resolve had been avoided, covered and buried. In ignoring these truths I allowed for an identity founded on illusions. Coming to a place where I am able to experience myself in aloneness I have been able to understand and deal with these illusions and related emotions.

In aloneness and the silence that we experience with that, there is a depth of awareness and connection that is somewhat ineffable, however it is something of us that we dont have to understand in conventional terms. It is a much more intimate experience where we are connected to parts of our self and our origins that have been lost.

We can rediscover this in solitude.

Words That Bring a Tear

,

Too many deadlines clouding up my sight

Too many voices in my ear

Too bright in day time

Stars hidden by the light

Other things are lost its clear

In Silence I see another way

Hope Ive not wandered too far astray


All the delusion dressed up as delight

So many different stories being told

All the dollars that cover up the lies

All that fragmented science being sold

So much confusion playing with my head.

I’ve made my contribution,

The foolish things that Ive done and said

I cant go back the way I came

Something  of my suffering and fear.

Sparked the possibility for my heart to hear

For reasons that reasons don’t know

To what was lost but now again is dear

Like the shadows on the snow

Like the light this time of year

Like the birds that never go

Like the words that bring a tear

Old temptation glues me to the spot

Where I can’t imagine the undoing of the knot

In silence I find my inspiration

That shows me what I have again

Though its called  by many different names

In contemplation I turn back into the light

Away from where the foolish go walking with the bold

To the place where all song begins

And  I find the things that I hold dear

Like the coming of the dawn

And the first star to appear

the singing of the loon

the running of the deer

And loves old sweet song

The words that bring a tear

What Is This Creation?

Who created this self indulged monster, here. I have had one hell of a life. I have been very hurtful in my isolated egotistical ways. The search for happiness, security, self perfection seemed to make me into a monster and I became so lost in that confusion. The one saving grace being that in some strange way I seem to have been oriented towards seeking out my own truth. In that exploration I slowly moved toward a more encompassing picture.

In “silence” I am present to the pain and suffering that has been a product of “separation”. I have had to learn to understand this “separation” and to be with “pain and suffering” in “awareness” as opposed to acts of numbing myself or avoidance. Learning to take responsibility has helped to heal the separation and allow for a reconnection to deeper parts of my humanity. In that I am enjoying, more, the capacity of relating to others without seeking fulfillment of my own needs.

It seems that in our dualistic world we spend our lifetimes searching to compensate for a sense of incompleteness, which itself is often unconscious. The fact that is unconscious does not seem to stifle the need that it projects onto our psyche. Frank Waters writes about finding a place of silence so heavy and profound that it squashes the kernel of truth out of his words, and leaves the meaningless husks mercilessly exposed … and the silence grows round the walls, hands from one to another, until all the silence is one silence, and that silence is the meaning of all. In silence we become aware of our limitations, defects and insufficiencies. Kabir writes “to be silent in your mind, silent in your senses, and also silent in your body. Then, when all these are silent, don’t do anything. In that state truth will reveal itself to you. It will appear in front of you and ask, “What do you want?”

Caught up in our usual activities, having forgotten our true nature, we may seem to be elsewhere, but we are in fact never truly apart from it. An increased focus on interior insight and transformation provide for another path to the realization of a more radical truth that is not something to merely believe in but to live and to fully embody.

The Mystery I Attend Too

Insight is a funny thing. At times I can have an experience that results in thinking that I know that much more about life and in that security that “the thought that knows” brings, I seem to be lured away from the sense that life is a mystery. We humans strive to understand and to find meaning but for me there is an emerging awareness of a more instinctive sense that we humans are more than we realize and that life is an utter mystery and that maybe I cant truly understand life and myself in traditional and conventional terms or via our human limited intellectual and cognitive references.

A more practical insight that I seem to have had at times is that I am better able to appreciate life when I am at a place that I can cope with meaninglessness. In acceptance of this, things that once provided security and comfort fall away and there can be an experience of being nihilistically overwhelmed. But there is something more in that revelation that might be ineffable and inexpressible but never the less can be more fundamental if attended to. It seems more likely now than in earlier days that a more authentic revelation of what I strive to know is beyond conventional ways, that it is something of a different quality of knowing and deeper connection that might have been somewhat lost in reliance on those conditioned ways. And so I attend to it these days.

Time and Timelessness

Krishnamurti spoke a lot about time. He felt that humanity was conditioned to “time” in a way that handicapped us. I understand this, the tricky part being that our concepts are built on the notion of time and I have had to learn to step out of conceptual references to really know it, to know it is to experience timelessness in this way. More of what I am coming to know in life is about experience and less about handed down knowing. In that direct experience there is opening and an intensity in the depth and quality to insights more than I had ever come to know in my dualistic conventional thinking.  Past claims to belief and knowing all seem so relative and limited and always becoming out dated and in the process of continually being replaced and changing. They have their application in life but they never did really  allow for a penetration into deeper realization; in fact they served more to impede that.

In my daily meditation I enter into silence. Its not the literal notion of silence but a metaphoric silence. In this,  I settle into a non conceptual, experiential, timeless place where the separation perpetuated in an orientation to “time” is lifted and  I  am more free to be intimate with myself, others and life. Its become easier these days to enter this place, to the point where it is now seems to be a default way. I enter into and out of this place all day long. From awareness of this timeless dimension other aspects of functioning considered to be ” normal” in a dualistic consciousness are transformed or fall away.

I have heard from individuals on occasion that they don’t have time to meditate, that there is no contribution to life or productive use of time or work in meditation. My experience has been that entering into silence allows us to step out and to question for ourselves all that others have insisted on passing on to us about existence, our use of time. what we have come to believe in and what we value. To discover for ourselves in this way is not a passive endeavour but a very active one, allowing for a more comprehensive and authentic embracing of life than I have known.

In his book “Silence ; the mystery of wholeness”, Robert Sardello writes “letting “silence” pervade all we do does work because it never separates itself from the world. Thus we do not make the practice of Silence exclusively into a soul work and go inward, nor exclusively a spiritual work to attain some goal on a spiritual path. The work is to be with Silence itself, and in so doing we are one with soul, spirit, body, and world. When practiced over time, we find it becomes possible to be with Silence in all that we do, and in our doing, our presence in the world works as a healing force.

SILENCE

YES, JUST THERE, I can step outside and be inside the comfort of you—walking into the arms of protection, the embrace of safety. You wait there for me; there is never any doubt you are there. Chaos can enter my mind; many alien forms can cloud my heart. Yet since I was very young I have known that in this place of yours I can be refound, renewed, re-formed. Knowing I can go there has always helped, but it has never made the pain less, just less powerful. At first it seemed I could hear you, present faintly in the vacuous, empty whole. Later I knew I was hearing your touch, and from the place of infinite connections, I was hearing all that is said without words. When no one speaks, the possibility that all that has ever been spoken to be heard becomes magnified. Even when what has not been said is the most profound, I still hear the summoning of all silence and come quickly to be counted among the devoted. Shhhhh …, we cannot hear the silence when all are trying to lay claim to her treasure; when so few are concerned for her extinction. She is like the hole in the ozone, global warming, and the plight of the frogs. We do not believe the danger is real. We do not trust there is anythingto lose. Is there? Of course there is. It is the only way left to us. —Cheryl Sanders-Sardello

Change and the Window of Perception

HUMAN CONSCIOUSNESS CHANGES WITH time, and thus likewise so do our truths. The world, the universe, our sense of meaning, may be little else to us than a set of perspectives that are constantly shifting. What makes us think that our way of seeing the world today is the right one? Kingsley L Dennis

It has taken some maturing, caught at times in loops and dead-ends, before I have been able to come to a place, where I realize that what I rigidly hold on to in belief is quite relative and that it is dependent on my human “window of perception”. I now understand how humans can limit their perception of reality, how culture and education influences it, fragmenting and rationalizing at times in a way that we can intellectually comprehend it. These days I am able to intuit life in a way that I am far more trusting of . When I sit quietly and let thoughts unfold in silence, the “window of perception” seems to be transformed, opening to change and moving towards something that I am yet unable to articulate.

dennis writes that “wisdom is not a question of belief, nor is it an accumulation of knowledge. It is a reflection of the resonance we have between the imaginal and the imagination, and how we express this through the conscious human experience.”