One thing that I love about Canada, that I have not found in Germany, where I now live, is the vast presence of an uncultivated state of nature. I am heavy hearted in missing that at times. Maybe it is partly to do with how Germans have efficiently come to manage their material world. Germany is a very cultivated and highly managed place where order and efficiency are highly valued. The raw and wild nature has always been a place where I have been more able to connect with a deeper part of myself. The degree of control of the land of Germany reflects a greater general absence of a natural connection to being for me. I find a more natural way of being in the way of life in Canada and in Myanmar where I am writing this from. Is it possible that with all of our modern discoveries that come with this way and these values and what we call progress…. we find ourselves on the surface of life and that efforts to find truth are abandoned and hidden under a bourgeois compromise: that our search outside is often accompanied, and compromised by human pettiness and human triviality ?
I find myself to be somewhat of an outsider, even in Canada, and in so doing feel as if I am often standing alone; in a compromised universe. It seems that not enough individuals are prepared to stand as a witness to save this planet and that it is highly likely that the vast majority of us are looking in the wrong ways. What is important or real seems not to be realized, known or said. We are beginning to realize that in the thousands of years of human influence, observation, reflection, and recording that the whole history of the world has been misunderstood and what we know with perfect accuracy as the past, has never existed. Is it possible that reality is nothing to most and that their life runs on, unconnected with anything outside of assumed norms and perceptions.
I am now in my life not content with adhering to being led by my instinctive drive to control my external world or to attend to conventional assumptions about what I need or want or that I must be. This all had to do with perceiving everything as separate and external to me as well as possessing an insatiable grasping after a more secure and comfortable illusion of a happy existence. I now feel that in the end it brings only unfortunate consequences. Attending to convention without question was the ordinary bourgeois part where I followed tamely like a goat in the world. In order to live fully I have followed my more natural urges to be an Outsider; one who is aware of his dissatisfaction, who is tired of being a goat. In so doing it has been a step towards investigating in a more expansive way; realizing that the life-force is higher than the mere individual will to self-preservation.
Inspired by ColinWilsons writing.