Everything is changing. My perceptions, understanding, opinions and even my consciousness changes. What I thought it is “to be” today, may not be the same tomorrow.
For many years I had a recurring dream. In the dream I was locked in a dark dungeon on a mountain top, guarded by a lizard like human who held the keys to my cell. He was quite frightening in demeanour and appearance. I saw him only occasionally. His actions towards me were aloof, without verbal communication. I remember the underlying theme of these dreams being the fear of being trapped here, possibly for life, and upon that realization settling into a place of passive acceptance of it; that I might as well get used to the situation.
One night, after many years of this dream the guard began to speak with me. He started to become gradually more friendly and eventually we began sharing intimately with compassion for each other. Eventually he opened my cell door and allowed me to leave my cell and I entered into a world I had not seen for a long time. The sky was blue and the sun was shining and the ice that lay there on the mountain side was melting. There were rivers of water running down the mountain towards something alive, beckoning me to follow.
This was the end of my recurring dream. I wonder to this day what it meant and why it ended my ongoing nightmare of enslavement; if it was a symbol of having destroyed in myself, a certain basis of illusion that made life bearable but that kept me in ignorance; incapable of really knowing myself and/or others. I see now that there was a shift of a sort that did enable me to face a deeper truth. The gream was symbolic of that. I felt elation in that, as I would arising in the morning to a bright lovely spring day where life was beginning again.
Coming out of the darkness did not result in eternal bliss but it did permit me to leave old ways and to enter a place that I was more prepared to face the darkness of life in my waking hours, openly and honestly. As well I was able to cope with the reality of the suffering of life a little bit more directly without the use and need of conventional aids, numbing and diversions. In that I am more open and more alive, possibly having taken another step forward in my own unfolding of consciousness.