However much I believe in and pursue the western utopian ideal that guarantees a life of reduced stress and problems, I pay a price. Mind and Will are exchanged for this guarantee of a future. The reality seems to be that life doesn’t promise guarantees however much our culture dangles that ideal. In the delusion of a “guaranteed life ” Status Quo moves in and demands order; a place where people can build their nests and ensure the betterment of their genetic coils. Morality seems to become an invention that values whatever notion can bring order and justice in the world.
Radebeul, Germany, where I live for parts of the year is a place that is immersed in tradition, convention, culture and delusion. It is a more upper class community on the outskirts of Dresden and people live comfortably here, but its a small piece of Germany as it is in most countries. There is something lifeless about life here and I have often noticed that tendency in these kinds of places and wondered what price is paid for grasping on to conventional cultural ways, however successful one has become in those definitions.
Ive come to an understanding that is less conventional and is much more real for me. I now realize what it was to live as a puppet of culture and I have come to know what it means to be trapped. Most all cultures have expectations of individuals where there is a pressure to compromise the self. Marshall McLuhan wrote “BLESS culture shock as dislocation of Mind.” Ultimately striving to meet cultural expectations seemed to have that affect on me; forcing me to discover new meaning. People still encourage me to find my place in a conventional world, but stepping out from cultural conventions and norms allows me to better live in an informed and authentic way. These days this way is no longer limited to those of a mystical/ magickal mindset, but is a possibility for all.
Living in an authentic way attending to energy and direction within, has itself, been much more life giving than living in a way that attends to external cues and conditioning. It allows for more fundamental aspects of my being to surface and for me to be present to them . William Blakes advice, that “I must create my own system, or be enslaved by another’s.” has ringed true. Its taken a great fall and the need to learn to cope with chaos, but I am grateful for that opportunity that brought me to an opening where I could shed my armour/ shell/ linguistic filter. Its allowed me to become acquainted with the life I now have; to be able to have a generous taste of what it means to access the Self beneath the programming and metta programmer of my brain.
Christopher S Hyatt writes “The rebel with a cause is the person who risks the label of evil when she attempts to remove, or go beyond, the categories of limitation currently believed.”
New Painting by Gord
I wake up to what is real and creative in myself to the degree that I am ready to see the world as it is in a non linear way; unfolding, expanding and changing. When I can tolerate the reality of my own self, the subject of change in such a way, I open to seeing the world in new ways, going beyond conditioned ideas of what and who I am and what life is. That includes questioning conventional ideas of God, other, religion, and many commonly held beliefs; all that seem to function in a way to control the anxiety created by the unknown. In a way those ideas act as a form of glue which attempt to hold an expanding world together although by nature of their being fixed concepts they are delusions.
Can I really know how change will manifest? I dont think so, but I can open to discovery and newness, although giving up the obsession with thinking that I know has involved learning to cope with feelings of inadequacy and uncertainty, not to be mistaken for being inadequate or worthless.
Somehow, I lost touch with the essence of what I was born into the world as. The ultimate, ineffable truth of myself and connection with life around me that I am inseparable from, had become veiled from my awareness.
These days I know that I am better served to look within for guidance in realizing self truth; to where my inner experiences lead me and to where my intuition speaks to me. This inward looking influences imaginative formulations of another kind, not so much captured in mechanical, rational, literate assessment and in turn not amendable to exact communication.
I am averse to engaging in conventional suggestions about how I should live or improve myself, mostly because these efforts seem to involve attending to and altering what is on the outside. Christopher S Hyatt compares it to the image of a beautiful fruit that when squeezed has no juice. In looking inward I attend more to the juice rather then the external appearance. Attending to the surface perpetuates a sense of loss since something of essence is overlooked.
I see the futility in argument with others about what is right or wrong or what should be done, not because I know, but mostly because I don’t really know what the truth of such issues are, nor do I believe that others do despite what their insistence might be. I see that everything is forever changing and that there is benefit in becoming a question mark. It influences an open and newer way of relating to, and experiencing and perception; bringing a sense of honesty, awe and curiosity in inquiring to what it is that is truly the source of life, prior to the vast variety of opinions and beliefs about it. As well it involves opening to a more reflective, creative and artistic engagement and manifestation of life and expression of it. I am more at home and invigorated, these days with an immersion into the mystery of life and understanding and relating to it from that.
There is transcendence in inviting what is more natural, real and mysterious as it allows what it is of us that evolves to be revealed and and to blossom, uninterrupted by our fragmented intentions.