Somehow, I lost touch with the essence of what I was born into the world as. The ultimate, ineffable truth of myself and connection with life around me that I am inseparable from, had become veiled from my awareness.
These days I know that I am better served to look within for guidance in realizing self truth; to where my inner experiences lead me and to where my intuition speaks to me. This inward looking influences imaginative formulations of another kind, not so much captured in mechanical, rational, literate assessment and in turn not amendable to exact communication.
I am averse to engaging in conventional suggestions about how I should improve myself mostly because these efforts seem to involve altering what is on the outside. Christopher S Hyatt compares it to the image of a beautiful fruit that when squeezed has no juice. In looking inward I attend more to the juice rather then the external surface. Attending only to the surface perpetuates a sense of loss since something of essence is overlooked.
I see the futility in argument with others about what is right or wrong or what should be done, not because I know, but mostly because I don’t really know what the truth of such issues are, nor do I believe that others do despite what their insistence might be. I see the benefit in becoming a question mark which influences a newer way of relating to perception bringing a sense of awe and curiosity about what it is that is truly the source of life prior to the vast variety of opinions and beliefs about it. As well it involves opening to a more reflective, creative and artistic engagement and manifestation of life and expression of it. I am more at home and invigorated, these days with an immersion into the mystery of life and understanding and relating to it from that.
There is transcendence in inviting what is more natural, real and mysterious as what it is of us that evolves is revealed and allowed to blossom uninterrupted by our fragmented intentions.
When the world was made binary man began to live in paradox. With paradox came the priest, the politician and the psychologist. These three thieves of the soul became the maker and solver of riddles, making the poet and artist seem profound. —Hyatt
I have no doubt that humankind entered into a Faustian like deal with early ancestors, who discovered the ability to differentiate and conceptualize and to arrange objects in their environment to better serve them. It changed our hopes and dreams and it promised the world in exchange for our minds. A shift occurred where we came to know and relate to our world primarily through our conditioned conceptual mind.
As there were no apparent options of escaping from that conditioned world that was fed to me, It was fortunate for me to discover, through great hardship and error, the folly of being trapped by this so called civilized modern way and of being the slave to a fragmented perception, mechanical analysis, dogmatic belief and judgement, all attributes reinforced and encouraged by conventional external influences.
It has required a rebellious diligence to enable a realization of what has been lost in that Faustian deal, and in so seeing allowing for a deeper contemplation of mind and world to emerge. Rather than being an experience that is about complacent resignation and withdrawal to a more primitive way, it has been more of a waking up and and expansion into an unseen and mysterious world.
Ultimately there is minimal opportunity for a direct experience or for authentic insight to arise with a conditioned mind. The shedding of the attachment to the veneer allows for an unfolding and arising from within, and as I welcome a further immersion within it allows for a more holistic awareness and influence on mind.