I often prefer being alone. I love intimate moments with others but I find being with people difficult. Those intimate moments are not always possible. Being myself with some people does not always work out well. Not everyone can tolerate my way. Communication just does not work with everyone and I am learning to take responsibility for that. I feel in my heart that my growing comfort with my own vulnerability; my awareness of my own insecurity and human limitations can be difficult for some.
Often and more than ever I need space to be with myself and to turn to silence and nature. Here I come to know myself and to settle into and embrace my vulnerability and I come to realize what the next step in life is, not always with great clarity. More than often it is just a hunch or a spontaneous action.
When being with another involves intimate sharing it is amazingly invigorating and freeing although there is most often always work involved at some point along the way. With intimates it can be a free flowing and natural rapport but those kinds of relationships take time. I encounter my blockages in that intimate unfolding.
I do not expect that relationships will develop into deeper friendships and at times it is quite disappointing that things do not work out. I sometimes assume that it is the fault of others or that I am unlikeable but in the end I come to realize the challenge of relating to others. It involves a lot of work just to find a place of honesty and to be able to recognize and accept my fear and to see how it interferes with relating even with myself. Trust does not come easy for me; self doubt does. That’s where most of my judgement, prejudice and distorted perceptions originate from.
When relating to another is grounded in a faith in authenticity and in openness it seems to avoid becoming rigid and static and destructive. I expand emotionally in a vibrating reciprocal exchange, surging and reclining and gra“cognitive function of sympathy” that is necessary for the elevation of the soul to a mode of being that transcends the literalisms and dogmas in which we so easily become trapped and entangled.vitating towards openness, honesty and embracing the mystery and change that is part of this whole production. There is an unfolding with an increased capacity for love and compassion becoming more apparent and accessible in this.