Immersed in Subjectivity

I am quite immersed in the mystery of nature and life these days. It could possibly be my further aging body more than anything that has contributed to a change in my priorities, never the less, I am finding that living in this way of change is more satisfying. In this more intensified connection with what is, I see better my own inner content. More than ever I see that I am attending to a more authentic part of myself, which refrains from holding back the direct experience that I have. I am more free of the need to “self impersonate”; to hide from other beings certain qualities. I look for ways that allow for my mask to fall away in order to know again my true face. In that there is a clearer seeing of things I need to be facing. I am coming to value this unique way of being more each day, although it can make for moments of difficulty in finding commonality with others, who are more oriented to what is conventionally held. At times I feel that I am  outside  what others value, being more  inclined to trust in what is within and to stand alone and to be  guided by that.

What is required for that authentic experience of life is discovered and nurtured within; intuition, intimacy and self revelation and most of all life essence. There is a truth and guidance emanating from this place for me as well, more than I have discovered from external resources. I enjoy reading or listening to others that share there deeper experiences and I am averse to conventional, mechanistic thinking, not finding the relevance of it and at times finding those who think they know to be quite difficult to engage with. They don’t seem to realize what they are missing in the grasping and subjective thinking in a way that it is perceived as objective truth. They don’t see , as I do that their thinking is more a creation of their own fragmented perception, relative in its relevance, illuminating a small piece of the puzzle in one way of seeing and nothing in another. Maybe I am lost in that way but it seems to me that we often ignore the devastating consequences that our creations embraced in this blindness, have on our planet, our relationship with nature and with each other. When we are able to realize as Soren Kierkegaard proposed, that “Truth is Subjectivity”, there is an opening to others subjective thoughts and the possibility of different ways of perceiving the same thing.

I feel compromised when talking with others, when there are rigid assumptions made about what they know, what can be known and when there is an absence of openness, doubt, investigation and intimate sharing and learning from one another in these exchanges. As Goethe wrote, “A false teaching does not offer any opening to refutation, for it is, in fact, based on the conviction that the false is true.”I am not so secure in what I think I know and in turn what others claim to know. I don’t want to know as they believe. It takes me away from the mystery that is more real and revealing of truth to me, however it being a truth that I am quite incapable of capturing in words.

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